Tragedy... what can one do?

While my world; my circle of friends, family, loved ones, and acquaintances is fairly small,  I cannot help but feel that my actions have the potential to help or hurt others.  Because I try to be so very mindful of this fact,  I am so deeply saddened in regards to the NewTown, CT massacre.  One person can effect many.

I do not care about the politics, news stories, or media that will surround this event for, what most likely be weeks, maybe months.  I do not feel my stance on gun control is important to the grieving parents who will not be able to hold or kiss there children good night, tonight. Not to mention the children that won't fully understand why mommy or daddy didn't come home from work today. Or how innocent children will be to frightened to go to school again. Frankly,  my heart is raw just thinking about the ripple effect that surrounds this tragedy.  I feel impotent and weak.  With my own children are at school, and my initial reaction is to run and gather them, hold them until they are purple and a appendage possibly falls off. To tell them how they are my everything.  

I look into myself and ask "What can I possibly do?".  Right now, for me, the most effective thing I can do is to properly grieve for the lives lost.  To recognize how substantial a child's life is, and how pivotal a parents role.  I will not focus on the propaganda, the media, or spectacle that social media is going to create.  I will focus inward, looking at my own family and hold them, love them, and honor those who have been taken by embracing what I still have.  When the time comes, of course, a reaction will be necessary for prevention and awareness. But right now... I choose and encourage a moment of silence for those who are grieving and to remember those who are the victims.  Turn off the T.V., put down the mobile devices, stop reading this Blog and go hug your children tonight. 

Business trips suck...

In the last year, my husband has travelled for work more that he ever has during our 7 year marriage.  While the first part of the series of trips were 2-3 days at a time, they quickly grew to weekly trips with the longest being a month in Europe.  After the first few trips, I figured the next one would be easier.  I wouldn't miss him as much, that the kids would get used to him jumping in and out of the activities, and that it wouldn't bother me so much being in an empty bed.  I never got used to it, and I hope I never will.  They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.. I now believe in that adage.

Yes, while he was gone, the house stayed cleaner, the kids kept to their schedules, and there weren't little black hairs all over the bathroom. (He's italian)  I didn't have to fight for the middle of the bed, I finally had a hot shower, and I was able to watch all the Nic Cage movies I wanted, and didn't have to bargain or bribe to do so. At first, this distraction worked, but somewhere about the 8th viewing of Moonstruck or maybe during my Raising Arizona/ Valley Girl double header,  Nic's piercing blue eyes and perfectly arched right brow, didn't cut it.  It was official,  I was Tieg-sick.

I can now understand Edward and Bellas romance in "Twilight ".   It actually hurt to be away from him.  I woke up, looking for his head on his pillow.  I would smell his soap, just to smell him.  I would wear his t-shirts and sit in his chair. Anything that made me feel closer to him.


I would rather have a sloppy house, unruly kids, a small edge of the bed, a luke warm shower, and all the little black hairs in the world on my floor - then to NEVER have them at all.   The point of this bloggity blog you ask? Kiss, hug and hold on to your loved one.  Never complain or nag.  Smile when you look them in the eyes.  Tell them that you truly, madly, deeply love them. And be grateful for what you've got, because you never know what you have until it is gone.

Hotel Schmotel.. I've got your deals right here....

Okay, so I am going to do a quick little rant/blog about making a gosh darn hotel reservation.  I know.. I know.. but if over a decade in the travel business taught me one thing... its how to book a hotel room, at a good rate, and to fit the needs of the hotel-goer.

All those search engines are great, really they are... and if you navigate them correctly - they will save you a pretty penny.  But if they make your head spin ( I don't blame you), stick to the one that has the best layout (User Interface) that you can understand clearly.  They ALL have the same prices. Swear it, I'll put blood down on this. Travel Agency search engines are powered by any one of the top four travel sites. So if the price is lower on one.. taxes or a fee or something else isn't included. My experience - Travelocity has the most competitive and honest fares.  Now that we have covered that, here is what else you need to know and consider before hitting that confirm button...



1- LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION : Use the sites map option, if you know where you want to stay, or easily get to.  A exact address of a function, concert, meeting, or whatever is best. If you don't know an area, go with a major landmark. Putting in an airport will get you hotels closest to the airport... not what you what most of the time.






2 - ROOM TYPE : Make sure you pay attention to this if you are going to stay longer than 2 nights.  YOU WILL CARE what your room is like, really, you will.  Square feet, coffee maker, blah blah blah... some rooms in some towns can be quite spartan for that $119.00 a night special.






3. PERKS : Need WiFI? Got pets? Looking for shuttle services? Workout Addict?  Make sure your hotel stay has what you need, at little or no cost.  If the perks that you want are not included in your hotel pricing, expect a fee-a-palooza when you check out.

4. PARKING : Yeah, so where ya gonna put your car? No choice sometime, valet or die.  Thats another $25-$50. I stayed in San Francisco once with an $80.00 a day parking fee.  Consider point #1, and make sure that your hotel doesn't charge you in-out fees if you need to drive. And ALWAYS tip your valet.

5. JOIN THE CLUBS : Sometimes you can join a hotels' frequent guest program and get all these above charged amenities, wait for it ...  FOR FREE.  Thats right FREE!!




6. AAA : If you don't already have this little silver card in your wallet, get it.  AAA will get you another 10% off that hotel bill.  If you stay at a hotel at least 2 times a year, you have just paid for a basic AAA membership.  AAA usually can beat an online "best buy".   Also - they give FREE travel arrangement assistance. Bonus!!




7. GO TO THE HOTELS WEBSITE : Thats right, go to the site directly.  They might have a nifty package/special/rate just for making that extra click.  Also, you can see additional pictures and notices (like construction) online.  Don't be afraid to call the Sales Manager yourself if you want to find a lower rate also. It is their job to be competitive.


8. KIDS : Okay... I have three of these things, and you can't just take a whole brood like mine and stay just anywhere.  Be aware of Max. occupancy of a room. DO NOT LIE, and say you don't have as many as you do.  They will either turn you away, or charge you WAY more at the desk.  Request a roll-away or crib prior to check in, and call 3-4 hours to confirm you have one in room.  ALSO!!!! If your child has allergies/breast feeding or formula storage needs, you can request a refrigerator or microwave to be in your room. Some hotels do this without a fee, some charge $10-$25 dollars.  In addition, request a ground floor room. NO ONE likes hearing your childrens' pitter-patter but you. If you can't get a ground level room, get one near the elevator. Kids running through halls is not cool, it's fun, but not cool. Another perk that some hotels offer  Kids' under 12 to stay free.  Try to look for a hotel with a free breakfast, kids love a buffet that lets them call the shots, and its easy on the wallet as well.







9.  POOL : Do you need one?  Some charge more a night just for the simple fact that they have one.   If you are looking for a resort-like hotel with an awesome pool - look at the pictures.  Is there shade? Do they have lots of lounge chairs compared to the size of the pool? Do they have an adult only pool, or will you run the chance of sharing your pooltime with toddlers. Oh - and more importantly, do they have a poolside bar?











10.  PRICE :  If it seems to good to be true, it is.  A hotel advertised as $200 on one site,
and one has it for $150... be very wary.  Extras most likely will be tacked on to that baby like a bumper sticker to a volvo.  Take into consideration State and Local Taxes, Hotel & Resort Fees, parking fees, WiFi, Gym Fees, and blah blah blah... If a site doesn't charge you these in your "Total" - they will add them at the hotel upon check in.    Look at your check-in bill to make sure you aren't being charged for frivoles fee as well, like in-room phone service.

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS - CALL A TRAVEL AGENT

We are trained to help you. We love to help you. We are here to help you.

Perfection is SO overrated...

So, this past week when I was locked away in a cozy little cabin in the woods with my family, I stumbled upon this past holiday issue of Martha Stewarts "Living".    I was intrigued, sucked in, then convinced within the first 15 minutes of reading the issue, that I needed to desperately step up my game.  I look over at Tieg and said that we need this, we should do that, and how could we have lived our past decade without it!  He quickly brought me back to reality by saying "because we don't need it, we don't have to do that, and we can continue to live without and still be happy.  I looked back at the perfect glossy magazine pages and smiled, then placed it back on the coffee table.  He was right.

Perfect isn't all its cracked up to be. Perfect is what I don't want to be. Perfect should be a word only used to describe babies.  

Unfortunately, I had been striving for perfection since I was a child, groping after my parents affection and approval.  I grew up thinking that if things weren't perfect, they just weren't finished.  It has been almost a decade, but I have slowly been accepting my "averageness". (Thats another Stacey'ism and you are more than welcome to use it.)  

I always felt that I needed to compete, speak louder, and be the best at whatever I did. Until the one day I didn't do the dishes.  Thats right...I left them. Rinsed, but I didn't do the whole "dishes" thing.  Surprise, surprise, the Pope didn't come.  They were done the next morning while the bread was in the toaster.  Only I knew.. and I know that if my friends had came over, they wouldn't have cared or judged. (I have great friends)  Thats when it dawned on me, who do I need to be perfect for?  No One. 

I am not in a race with anyone. I don't need to speak loudest, brag about my accomplishments, have the best story, be the prettiest in the room, have the best car, make the best cake, or have the most money.  Those things don't make anyone happier or make anyone love you more. (If anything, it makes them loathe you) I realized - just be me. 

"And that's a good thing."

                   -M.Stewart

Disclaimer:  no magazines were hurt or used as coasters during the research of this blog.  

Fifty, Fifty, Fifty....

Yes... I succumbed to the sensation that is "Fifty Shades of Grey".  But this is NOT a book review.  This is a blog about reading it.
  You may or may not know that the books were based off essays of "Fan Fiction" for the Twilight trilogy, and E.L. James essays were so well received, she got a book deal. I say, "Huzzah!" to her.  Being a married woman, and in my thirties *ahem*  I enjoyed these three books MUCH more than the Stephanie Meyer version of Edward and Bella.  Maybe because it is Erotica, maybe not... but they were great reads.  Entertaining, and also informative.  My husband didn't complain one iota while I was reading these books, but while I was reading "Twilight"  I was mocked mercifully.   


I hear and read all the comments and critics saying that the book is smut, porn for mommies, and how it is being banned from libraries across the nation.  I say, if you want to read it... read it. If you don't want to read it.. don't read it.  If you can't say the word "sex" in a normal voice, or you blush when someone says vagina.. this book is definitely not for you.  If you have no problem discussing your sex life with others, read this book... because after you do... it is all you are going to want to do.  


I read this along with two other girlfriends, a "twisted little book club" if you will.  It was amazing how this book effected us each individually, in extremely different ways.  I was entertained, but not at all shocked or turned on.  My one friend compared everything Christian did to her husband and it made things terrible at home. (She did this with Twilight, so I wasn't so surprised.)  My other girlfriend improved her sex life by reading the books, and read them all twice over.  whats your point, you ask??  My point is - that everyone reads a different story when they read a book.  My point is -not to listen to anyone but your gut when it comes to books. 
Don't discount these novels simply because you have heard that it's smut.. judge for yourself.  Besides, I read she based the physical characteristics of Christian Grey off of Christian Bale in American Psycho...  true or not... that is a GREAT reason to read it... that visual alone. 

Enjoy... and keep reading!

The Bronze Rule

"Do onto others as you would like them to do unto you".  

We all know this little rule of life.  Its called many things in many cultures, but in my little universe, it's the "Golden Rule".

You treat people the way you want to be treated. Simple. Easy. Right?  Not always, but I have an idea, that just might work.

I'm going to spin this little rule, and make a new rule, a Bronze Rule.

  "Do onto others, as you hope they will carry on to do." 

 Think about that.  Really, think about it. Seriously, take a second. (pause for effect)

Unlike the "pass it forward" movement, this is more than an act of kindness to a stranger.  This is a continual display of kindness, politeness, caring, love, gratitude and grace to all.  If all parents cared, loved, and gently spoke to their children, what a difference it would make when they rear children themselves. If bosses trusted and cared for employees, imagine the effect it would have on morale and how the client will be treated.

If spouses loved their partner and devoted their hearts unconditionally, with no restrictions, rules or guidelines, then the example would be set for the next generation on how to truly love someone. 

So, I know this is a crazy idea... but we should try it.  Maybe if we show grace to others, they will show grace on.  And really, isn't giving much more fulfilling then receiving? 

Selfish? Why yes I am...

Usually being the mom means that you sacrifice your identity to give your child(ren) all of yourself. By all means, this is what all mothers should do. BUT..

There are moments where you need to slip out of your "Mommy Shoes" and into those sexy slingbacks also know as "Me Shoes". You know what shoes I am talking about, not just metaphorically either. The shoes where you aren't running after your screaming naked toddler. The shoes that actually ensure that no running what-so-every will occur. The shoes that, the minute you slip them on, transform you back into the person that puts you first.

Whether its a coffee with the girls, a yoga class or even just an hour at the bookstore to see what the new bestsellers look like. Its the time, each day (hopefully) that you take just for yourself, and no one else. I believe that ALL mothers must take this time, or they are doing a huge disservice to their families.


I love Oprah (we know this), and I have taken many of her suggestions to become the best me possible. Far and away her best advice that I have taken is to "Have a Me Moment". She stressed the point that if you don't give yourself the attention that you need, you can't possibly give your loved ones the attention they need. Just the same way you can't expect your car to perform at peak performance if you don't take care of it. You need to take care of your needs, so you can take care of everyone else's needs.

I have been a mom that only served her children and husband, but never took time out for myself. I can speak the truth here.. I began to resent it. They had fun, while I cleaned. The kids had play dates, while I didn't. I only went to the grocery store on my afternoons off, because I had it in my head that if I wasn't serving my family, I was failing. Slowly but surely, I started to get cranky, snappish, and frankly - bitchy. No one deserved my wrath, and it was all because I was lonely and jealous of the attention that everyone else was given but me.

I was invited out to go dancing with some friends, and just by spending 5 hours with my friends, in my "Me shoes" did I realize how important being selfish is. Focusing on something else besides family when you are a "Stay at Home Mom" is imperative to happiness.


I decided I needed to slip my "Me Shoes" on more often. Since then, my family has been happier, because I have been happier. I don't look at my husband with envious eyes because he's been out all day with adults (even though he calls it working). I no longer get anxious with my children, I now enjoy them.

I highly suggest getting a pair of "Me Shoes" if you don't already have them. Just in case you lost yours, or don't think you can afford a new pair, here are some suggestions for locating a new pair for little or no cost.

• Go to the Library
• Take a walk around a park - you'd be amazed how peaceful this can be without children.
• Meetup.com - Meet some new friends
• Take a class : Learn something new.
• Join a club : Book, Movie, Bunco, or Knitting , it doesn't matter - just make it something you love and have fun doing with others.
  
• Volunteer - Animal Shelters, Community Centers, and Retirement homes are always open for volunteerism.
• Discount Movie Days - Check your local theater, some offer early morning discounts.
• Check out a new Museum - Most have a monthly special for county residents.
• Take a bath - Lock the door.
  
• Meditate - 10 minutes is all you need. Just be calm, breathe, and don't think about the kids.
• Have sex with your spouse or spousal equivalent - But focus on your needs. If you are enjoying it, chances are they will too.
  

I hope that one of these inspire you, and will get you out of your "Mom Shoes" and back into your "Me Shoes" today. Just 10 minutes a day in your "Me Shoes" will make such an impact on your life. I know it has in mine.